Limbo, interrupted:

For almost an entire year, I have been preparing to leave. Prior to getting accepted as an EWB volunteer, I was essentially only half-home. Because I was so focused on my goal of getting another overseas position, I found myself almost in a state of limbo – not entirely laying down roots where I was, nor looking for alternatives elsewhere, whether it be working outside of my field, or seeking out new friends or relationships. Once I had been accepted as an EWB volunteer, however, it seemed as though my in-between status had finally been relieved.

Following the completion of Pre-Departure training at the beginning of February, however, I was once again thrust into a period of stasis. I had technically already said goodbye to my friends and family prior to the start of training, but now I was back at home for an undetermined amount of time. Since most flights to the Philippines were oversold as a result of Chinese New Year (people were finished visiting their relatives elsewhere and returning back home), both Sarah Grant (the Project Coordinator who I am working with for the next two months) and I would be stuck in Toronto until the organization was able to get a couple cheap flights out.

Not surprisingly, it was a very strange feeling to be back at my parent’s house and not know when I would be leaving. Further, because of this, I wasn't really able to make plans beyond the next few hours – whether it was reconnecting with friends, or going out for dinner with my parents, I was pretty much locked into the moment. As a result, I ended up spending the remaining time with my family and with people that I’d met during training. I should probably apologize at this point to those whom I didn’t get to see or talk to during my final days in Canada, but as you can probably imagine, my body and mind were definitely focused in a different direction. As a result, it was hard for me to continue to look back to those of whom I'd already said good-bye – doing so would’ve only made leaving more difficult.

In a very short period of time, however, my ‘it’s-still-so-damn-comfortable-to-be-Canada-state’, was almost forcefully interrupted. With an email and a phone call, I was on a plane in what felt like the snap of someone’s fingers. Even though I had been preparing for this trip for months, I still felt oddly caught off guard in the 48 odd hours prior to my departure. Perhaps it was last minute jitters, or some weird unresolved separation anxiety from friends and family. Regardless of the cause, however, it was all a bit unnerving.

And from here, I arrived into another girls’ life. Even though I lived in the Philippines for 9 months a year and a half ago, somehow everything felt different. For one, I was returning to the Philippines to replace someone. Not only was I the next EWB volunteer to work on the SCALA project, but I was also the next ‘Sarah’ to work here! (Ironically, there have been two other Sarah’s to work on the SCALA project over the past three years. I’m positive that our partner, the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) must think that Canadians are completely incompetent when it comes to creatively naming baby girls!!!)

I think these feelings were also contributed to by the fact that I was also returning to a place that I had already gotten to know (likes, dislikes, people, food, places, etc.) I’m not sure if many of you have experienced this, but it is a really strange feeling to go back to a place that is already filled with memories, knowing that you will be soon leaving again. I know this sounds dramatic given that I won't be leaving for another 10 months, but it doesn’t change the fact that after my contract is finished, I will not be staying in the Philippines. Not surprisingly, this knowledge makes reconnecting with old friends an interesting exercise. With every interaction, there’s a definite joy in the meeting, but there’s also a nagging sense of decay and melancholy, however small that feeling may be…

Despite this oddity, it has nonetheless been great to reconnect with old friends. My former friends and colleagues from LGSP have been a wonderful support for me here, if only through the odd text message, dinner out, or strategic planning session. Indeed, it’s been definitely nice to know that they’re around. I haven’t been able to see as much of them as much as I used to, partly because I have been super busy settling in, orienting myself to the project and my new office, but also because I live in a totally different area of the city. As I said before, though, it’s been nice to know that they are there when I need them, and that I won't be alone when Sarah leaves in a few weeks’ time.

Not that I currently need their support though!! With Sarah Grant still here, I have certainly not been needing things to occupy my time. From setting up our little apartment, to making numerous trips to the visa office across town (almost an entire day affair!!), to visiting Computer Training centres around the country to orient myself on the project, to getting to know the DSWD staff, to devising strategic plans for the year, to taking Tagalog lessons once a week (the Filipino language), and to getting comfortable with my new life back in the Philippines, my days (and nights!), have certainly been full. If anything, my only complaint is that I have had little chance to reflect on what has happend over the past few weeks. Regardless, I am happy and looking forward to the next couple of months, with all of the challenges and joys they will bring.